Wednesday, June 07, 2006
if you are not fearful, you are not man.


in one way or another
we all have our fears
at least in one point of time in our lives.
reading an old friend's blog
i found that i'm pretty afraid of many things
almost everything.

i'm afraid of losing
both losing out and losing someone or something.
especially when i treasure it so much
losing it will just devastate me so badly
i'm afraid of that sadness that looms ahead of me.
i'm afraid that there will always be that one day
when it leaves me
no matter now or then
it will ultimately leave
why do i always get that feeling
that i have no grip over anything
as if everything is out of my reach?
i'm afraid that the love i have
will be eventually broken and shattered
not even on the floor
it just shatters and disintegrates
and there's no way i can fix it back.

losing out
its when you worked so hard for something
you know you tested the best of your abilities
yet sometimes life is just unfair
that there are others ahead of you
and you don't get that chance
that opportunity that you always wanted
maybe its because i'm too scared
too scared to admit my desire for it
and it causes me to hold myself back
too far back.
i let my fears control me
it's not like i want it to be this way
i am built this way
i seem to have learnt to wallow in my fears.

i'm afraid of losing my senses
i want to hear
your voice
the sound of nature
the waves of the sea
i want to feel
your warmth
the love that i recieve
and the softness of the bed
i want to smell
the food you cook
the scents of flowers
the salty air at the beach
i want to see
your lovely face
the colours of the wind
and the rainbow
i want to speak
of love
to whisper in your ear
to interact with others.

i'm afraid of death
partially the pain
but that's only a small part of death
death takes away EVERYTHING
every effort you made
everything that i've loved
everything that i cherish
everything that i have lived for.
it's really not about the pain.
it's when you lose the things you loved
to feel the pain not of death
but of dissapointment and regret.

i'm fearful
fearful of everything
i want to be able to see the sunrise and the sunset
with my loved ones
every single day.
i want to feel the mere essence of life
the happiness that mankind create
the sadness that only brings out the joy we feel.
i know i'm a spoilt brat
that's precisely why i'm so afraid.

if anyone dares to say he/she is not afraid of anything at all
i'll say you are not human.


Divulged at 3:38 PM