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in one way or another we all have our fears at least in one point of time in our lives. reading an old friend's blog i found that i'm pretty afraid of many things almost everything. i'm afraid of losing both losing out and losing someone or something. especially when i treasure it so much losing it will just devastate me so badly i'm afraid of that sadness that looms ahead of me. i'm afraid that there will always be that one day when it leaves me no matter now or then it will ultimately leave why do i always get that feeling that i have no grip over anything as if everything is out of my reach? i'm afraid that the love i have will be eventually broken and shattered not even on the floor it just shatters and disintegrates and there's no way i can fix it back. losing out its when you worked so hard for something you know you tested the best of your abilities yet sometimes life is just unfair that there are others ahead of you and you don't get that chance that opportunity that you always wanted maybe its because i'm too scared too scared to admit my desire for it and it causes me to hold myself back too far back. i let my fears control me it's not like i want it to be this way i am built this way i seem to have learnt to wallow in my fears. i'm afraid of losing my senses i want to hear your voice the sound of nature the waves of the sea i want to feel your warmth the love that i recieve and the softness of the bed i want to smell the food you cook the scents of flowers the salty air at the beach i want to see your lovely face the colours of the wind and the rainbow i want to speak of love to whisper in your ear to interact with others. i'm afraid of death partially the pain but that's only a small part of death death takes away EVERYTHING every effort you made everything that i've loved everything that i cherish everything that i have lived for. it's really not about the pain. it's when you lose the things you loved to feel the pain not of death but of dissapointment and regret. i'm fearful fearful of everything i want to be able to see the sunrise and the sunset with my loved ones every single day. i want to feel the mere essence of life the happiness that mankind create the sadness that only brings out the joy we feel. i know i'm a spoilt brat that's precisely why i'm so afraid. if anyone dares to say he/she is not afraid of anything at all i'll say you are not human.
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author Michele all these while...
February 2011 |