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the more you grow up the more people you meet you really see how communication is so damn important and yet many just leave it out i think it really helps like in dissoving misunderstandings and relieving all that you thought was impossible. i know its hard but if we all just try not to take sides, like give it a neutral thought and view about things. sometimes it may become a better world and a better place. you know if we always drag on about the bad things in life then the good things have no chance to show itself. then that's where the misunderstandings happen. i don't blame anyone i really don't. really. its not that i don't have hatred or anything. that i'm oh-so-noble. i see all the irritating sides, i know that it will always be there. i dislike all the bitching and gossiping and all that ignoring. i don't like it. i don't like that part of you or that side of you. but i know that's you. and i can't change it, or can i? no. i've come to the point that i know i can't. so whats the point in you guys placing yourself further away from each other? just take it that that's one thing i don't like about that person and leave it alone. you know it takes two hands to clap and maybe if you initiate first then the other party would learn how to appreciate the things you do. sometimes its just about accepting. i'm just so tired of all the politics. i can be bitchy i can be mean. but i find it so tiring to be so. don't you think? i'd rather just ignore that part of you guys and believe that we will still be friends in the end. but these kind of things, if only i believe in that friendship it won't last. its down to communication again no matter how big the issue or misunderstanding as long as its solved i'll never think about it again. i won't blame you or bring it up. so as long as you don't. i just want you guys to think about it. thanks to those who believe in our friendship. thanks for the concern, the support and i swear i need as much of it as possible this year.
today i'm kinda in high spirits. actually, its not kinda. i'm damn high today. whenever i talk about the sports carnival my heart still races and i still can feel there and that atmostphere and stress. can't believe its really over. all these while we were still kinda training, all the group hugs, lazy to run, finding mr foo to get the baton, worrying about passing the baton, slipping on school track on rainy days, worrying about other classes changing runners which mean we may be last, hr throwing the baton and me running to catch it, finding double breaks so that we can train, psycho-ing ourselves the WE-CAN-DO-IT mentality, trying spikes while avoiding being seen, running one after another, thinking about the medals and ribena and eating bananas. and i swear, its more than just that. today's handball was a swell. you guys played great! though i couldn't really help but i'm glad that i'm in tee35. all that sportsmanship, all that cheering and all that worrying. even with all our injuries, we stood strong against all. that's what i feel that its admirable about us, because we stand as one. <3 tee35 went for class outing at far east (as usual. ahaha) ate chicken rice then went to walk walk, print photos then borders. after that we went ALL THE WAY to jurong to collect 10 boxes of ice cream. felt really bad imposing on the two lovely parents who drove us. :) thanks alot. i'm kinda relieved about it cause we finally collected it. was worrying about it a week ago. felt kinda pissed at myself. oh wells, that's over. what's done is done. and we are selling ice cream on nest tuesday! those in cjc please come to the canteen to buy! its for CHARITY. DO YOUR PART FOR THE COMMUNITY :) (sounds like nkf or something. hahah.)
RAH. i'm an incompetent shit. i'm a screwed up kid. i seriously keep screwing up thing after thing. its like i cannot get anything right RAHHHHH. i'll just get to no where now and in the future. i don't know why but either that i'm just such a klutz or just that my brain is never in a working condition. what the hell. i'm pissed. pissed with myself for not being able to do anything right. (*#!)(*$(@&^%*&amp;^@#%*&)!$(*)*(@&%*(%#^&)!@*&$*(#%(^*$!&)$b$!&)*&$)*!&
i don't know how or why it became as such neither do i know what to do or how to handle it i just don't get it maybe i'm insentitive or that its simply very difficult to find out what's in your mind or what's in everyone's mind. its impossible to make everyone happy, to do what everyone wants. if i make some people happy, maybe the other group will be unhappy and vice versa. i feel like i'm made to not deserve any respect at all, or to deserve a mind of my own. i feel like i'm always forced into this dilemma after dilemma after dilemma. maybe that's what's life about, facing people and making the right choices. but which is right? the line between things have becomed so blur. problems seems to arise, problem after problem after problem. maybe i'm just not cut out huh. i never felt that i was, since like many years ago. but that was what i always did, escaping. i never liked confronting any problem. i guess no one does. but how come some people just handle it better than me and somehow i always seem to fumble with my actions. everyone always say, it will turn out right, it will be okay. but in the midst of all the sticky and messy situations, everything just feels like its going to break down. everything. i feel like stuck in the mess and unable to breathe properly, i can't think properly and i just can't figure out what was my initial own opinion anymore. i don't know where to vent my frustrations on and it just forms in tears.
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author Michele all these while...
February 2011 |