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i always have told myself that that everything will be fine that everything will be okay so as long we try but every single time i get that lousy feeling and everything crumbles within me all that i have built for the last few months have just fallen in the last few days. sometimes its not that i don't want to believe in everyone and myself but when i think of it as something i have initiated, something that i have created and to see it cause so much pain to everyone just makes me feel like a loser. like i'm just a perfect idiot who cannot handle the commitment and the responsibility and created all the unhappiness in everyone. everytime i think about the smiles we all had on our comp day, i just feel like if only we stopped there like every year. if only my gym career have ended on that day we all may be much better now i'm just so afraid that what i have done is becoming a burden.
tmr is competitions like the final day of my gym career its kinda sad when you think of it that way. my emotions are like all mixed up 0.0 one moment i'm like damn nervous about tmr another moment i'm like abit emo cause gym is really going to end for good and i'll miss it :( after going competitions for so many years i'm still very nervous. especially this year, i guess cause i have my expectations and its my last year!
i kinda happy that 2 combines are done. so that takes off the major load off my shoulders. then still have the rhythmic ones. 0.0 but i don't mind. as long as you guys appreciate what i do. i don't mind doing all the shit. didn't blog recently kinda lazy la. still got CR report to handle!!! i only wrote like 1000 words so far. i need to write 5000 words in total. what the hell... its just crazy, comps next week. its damn fast la, next tues is like shi chang di ABIT fast ahhhh. hope lingyi's knees heal soon. GET WELL SOON! i'm into alot of shit but as long as you people tell me its worth it its like nothing to me, in doing it.
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author Michele all these while...
February 2011 |