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my impression is sure changing, for the better. like in a game, the rules change, the game play has also changed
almost forgot about school after slacking on mon, tue and wed. i temporarily put all my school work aside my mind was all on the stage our months and months of hardwork was over in an hour but that hour was good. we had fullhouse and a waiting list. (: but it means back to work, which is kinda depressing. and i hate it how you put me down again and again.
dragging and dragging my feet down the tunnel i can see the light right at the very end its like a spot, a dot, too tiny to expect for anything yet its something that causes me to hope for more so i walk and walk down the long, wet, dirty tunnel sweeping the dirty water off my sleeve when it drips from the top walking more slowly and slowly, losing concentration losing determination to continue knees weakening as i take an additional step forward. unexpectedly, my leg thrust itself into a crack in the flooring my knee hits the murky water and dig into the mud my other leg drags forward and with all my might try to pull the other out instead, my body swings forward with momentum and my palm smacks right onto the mud stopping my fall even more slow then ever i tug my knee out, followed by my feet, my dirtied soles and finally my filthy hands straining my back muscles to stand upright i put one foot forward staring at the light, breathing deep, and then continue my dragging.
have you ever felt like you disappointed your parents, like you didn't do your best you could have done something better but you didn't probably blaming yourself for not working hard for not thinking sensibly when you are already all grown up, or at least you thought you were. or maybe you felt that you didn't want to let them down, you wanted to show them only your good side, to find out that you didn't and regretted your actions or behavior in the end. possibly took many things for granted. or maybe you felt that you had too many things on hand wished you didn't act tough in the beginning wished you were smarter, a genius wished you were more hardworking wished you had more determination i wished and wished and wished, am still wishing, think i'll wish forever... just having too many bad days in a single week. i'm not as strong as people think i am.
today's a really bad one for me first i woke up at 12, my lesson was at 12. then i decided that since i'll be too late for lesson, i wanted to go the doc at yih because my cough is still around after 1 week plus plus. and on the way get an mc when i reached the uhwc, it says "WE ARE CLOSED" due to relocation. on top of that i wanted to book my condo's function room before leaving house but because i was going to the doctor that was being relocated, i did not book it! and i was super early for my 2 o'clock lesson @)(#*OI_@)$(IOQLAJSKG!OUQP:LKD i hate today.
)@#(*)@(*&$(&#^%$(*#&@)(*!( MY COUGH IS KILLING ME.
the moment we obtain happiness we would always be afraid of losing it - this is an ordinary reaction. but when this happens, it shows that one is truly happy.
i'm afraid i'm falling into the same trap as i did last sem everytime after the midsem break i become restless, no motivation to study if this continues... oh wells. work is piling up, don't remember one day when i didn't think of the work i have to do. now i understand what the singapore rat race really means. maybe i didn't JUST know, but it feels like its getting worse. but i guess i can't complain, i chose this path, this is what i wanted to do, so stick with it. today in soci of deviance, the lecturer said this... "if love was a crime, i would rather be the prisoner in your heart"
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author Michele all these while...
February 2011 |